


missing and missed

by englishbooty



Series: faeries, secrets, and violence [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fae, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Depression, F/F, M/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 05:10:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17698259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/englishbooty/pseuds/englishbooty
Summary: You can't find him.You can't fucking find him.He's your kid fucking brother- no, fuck, he's your little brother who you're supposed to protect-And you can't find him.> Dave's POV during and after "thats not a man, thats a tree" <





	missing and missed

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:  
> \- Faeries can't lie.  
> \- Faeries have an aversion to iron.  
> \- Faeries use glamour to make themselves look human.  
> \- Faerie names hold great power over them. If you get a faerie name, you basically control the faerie. That is why some characters have different names. THIS IS NOT A BLOODSWAP OR WHATEVER. It's how they protect themselves.

You can't find him.

You can't fucking find him.

He's your kid fucking brother- no, fuck, he's your little brother who you're supposed to protect-

And you can't find him.

“Dave.” 

You can't believe yourself. You knew he wasn't okay. You knew that he was suffering, and what’d you do? Nothing! And now you can't find him, and it's all your fault. Everything's your fault, and-

“Dave! For the love of fuck, look at me!” You untangle your hands from your hair and pull your head up. Karkat Maryam, your long time fiancée, is staring at you with eyes full of worry. There's an angry scowl on his face, too, but that's just kinda his default look. You know he's not really mad. You know everything about each other. “Look,” he cups your cheeks and wipes away tears  
that you didn't even know were there. “I know you're worried, okay? I am too, but you have to pull your shit together. This massive pity party of yours isn't helping anything.”

“Where could he be?” You ask, ignoring him a little and looking at the wall as you think aloud. “We've put out posters, search parties, an award..,”

“Yeah, despite what I said about those things escalating the situation and making things worse?”

“Karkles,” you whine, nuzzling into his shirt and wrapping your arms around his waist tightly. “Help me, I don't know what to do-.”

“Gah! Get off!” He shoves at your shoulders, but you just grab onto him tighter and lift him into your lap. Better nuzzling position. Boo ya. “Dave! This isn't helping anything, cmon, we have to go to the meeting-”

“I can't.” You hug him closer, “I wanna stay here with you.” You take a deep breath, inhaling his ocean scent. It's so calming, you just want to stay here for a while, but you can't. Karkat’s screaming at you again.

“This is fucking serious, stop!” He slaps the top of your head. It hurts enough for you to flip him the finger, but not enough for you to let him go. He heaves a heavy sigh. “Hey.” He says softer, and you look up at him, resting your chin on his chest. “I’m here for you.” He tells you, kissing your forehead. He can be so sweet when he's not busy being an adorable asshole. “Lets go. Rose is here. She thinks… she might, uh, she might have something.”

You raise an eyebrow. That sentence took a ride to stammer town, and Karkat only really stammers when he's worried or uncertain about something. You let him off your lap and follow him into the meeting room that you've been renting out on a frequent basis for the last two months, since the first time you found out your brother, Dirk, was missing. 

The room's walls are covered with string lines, pictures, and articles. It looks like you're trying to find a criminal, and maybe you kind of are? But it's mainly just trying to pinpoint Dirk’s location with very, very little evidence, and by that you mean none that can be put to any use at all. It's all like a big decoration, honestly and sadly.

Two women stand at the front of the room. They stand out with their beautiful handmade outfits that put your bunny slippers and SBAHJ snuggie, which you're totally wearing for the ironies and not because you've been a depressed piece of shit who doesn't wanna get out of bed as of late, to shame. 

You can't help but slightly smile at the sight of them. Rose Lalonde, your beloved weird ass sister, and her girlfriend, Kanaya Vantas.

Karkat was the one who thought to bring them into the search, but he looks awfully nervous now. He shuffles over to Kanaya, and she wraps him in a large, motherly embrace. Shit, you're gonna start tearing up again. You look to Rose and hold out a hand for her to shake, but she cocks an eyebrow at you, and before you know it, you're throwing yourself into her arms and sobbing… again. For the fourth time today.

She pets your hair in a reassuring manner, staying silent as you cry. When you start pulling your shit together and pull back, you see her eyes are slightly puffy too, and although Dirk and her were never close, you know she's been crying, too. 

“Kanaya and I…,” she begins, shuffling closer to Kanaya and grabbing her hand. They have matching jade and diamond rings, you notice. Are they married now? God, you need to get more in touch with family.

You look at Kanaya who is standing extremely composed. One thing you know about her is she is a very strong woman. Karkat said that she practically raised him growing up after some people killed his parents, but that's all he ever told you about it. He doesn't like to get into his past much. You really respect her. Also, she's fucking gorgeous. She has fully jade piercings because iron is ‘too ugly’. You used to have piercings like that too, except in iron because fuck fashion, but Karkat refused to kiss you if you had them in, so sacrifices were made. 

Rose squeezes Kanaya's hand, and you draw your attention back to her. “... faeries.” Is all you hear of what she said, so naturally, you're confused.

“Faeries?” Karkat and Kanaya have their eyes glued to you, but their expressions are unreadable. You're used to eyes on you, after all, you're one badass, handsome guy, but for some reason… their eyes make you shudder. 

“Yes, that is one thing I said. Also look into: vampires, demons, and other supernatural beings?”

“Wha-” You laugh a bit, and Karkat looks down and away from you, crossing his arms. He's always been into that kinda stuff, so maybe it was rude to laugh, but it's not like any of it is real. “I think we all need sleep here. I mean- supernatural shit? That's not even real.”

Rose folds her arms. “I happen to think it's very real, and it's a possibility that is in need of looking into if we want to find Dirk.” She glares at you now. “I thought you wanted him back.”

“Of course I do!” You scowl. “But I don't want to waste time looking into stuff that doesn't exist.”

Kanaya smiles politely yet pointedly at that, “I think,” She steps forward a bit, staring at what you hope is not your eyes through your mirror shades. You never noticed how sharp and bright her green eyes were, “you've already wasted enough time as is not exploring all options. If you're not going to open your mind to everything, we'll just leave.”

She starts walking past you, glancing Karkat’s way with a small, sad smile before you speak up. “Wait.” You sigh. “Fine. Why do you think we should look into the supernatural?”

Rose and Kanaya smirk a bit at you, and then the two of them make their way back to the front of the room where there's a laptop sitting on the edge of the table. They start working on it, taking far too long, while you head over to Karkat. “Hey,” you say, sliding your hand down his arm and trying to get to his. He doesn't look at you, folding his arms tighter to his chest and leaving his hands off limit for grabbing. “Dude-” You frown, moving your hand up to his cheek then and pouting when he moves away. “Why are you blocking me out here? C'mon, this is unfair. I need my snuggle buddy, don't be crabby.” 

He flinches at that word, for some reason. Or, maybe it was the whole phrase? You have no clue. “Fuck off, Dave.” He hisses, avoiding looking at you. “I'm not in the mood.”

“You were a few minutes ago!” You back up, crossing your arms too. “Is it because I laughed at the supernatural thing?”

You wait for a response, and after a minute, he nods.

“I'm sorry.” You say softly. “But it's kind of hilarious.” He looks up at you with a glare. “I mean- they're cool, man, don't get me wrong. Like, those buff vampire dudes in the movies. They're cool. And same with the werewolves and stuff-”

“What about faeries?” He asks, expression unreadable except for that he's mad. And you mean actually mad.

“Faeries? Like Tinkerbell?”

His eyes widen and he facepalms hard, shaking a bit with irritation. “Yes, Dave, like tinkerbell. Because that's an accurate depiction of what faeries are. Well, there are pixies, but that's only one type of faerie, and even then Tinkerbell is barely a fucking faerie, she's a sweetened little-”

“Whoa, karkles.” You say before he goes on a little mumbling tangent and you get confused. “Tinkerbells pretty cool, too. I mean, not as cool as a buff dude, but-”

“Oh my god! Please shut up!” He yells suddenly. “Do you even listen to me?” Kanaya and Rose look up, but neither of them are really shocked that Karkat is yelling, and neither are you. Karkat is kind of known for his tantrums. “You're such an insufferable prick sometimes. Tinkerbell doesn't count. She's a dumbass hollywood representation of what faeries are, and she doesn't even fucking convey what faeries are really like, which I know because-”

Kanaya clears her throat, and you both whip your heads towards them. Rose is staring at a projection on the screen with a patient, ready look, while Kanaya is looking at Karkat with a pitying one. 

Karkat looks down again, crossing his arms and closing himself off as you place your focus back on the two ladies. 

“As we were previously saying,” Rose speaks up, “nothing we’ve looked into has led us to Dirk.” She looks worried, but also strong and confident. You wish you could be like that, but you're just a mess. “There's not much to go off on in terms of where he went so far except for his letter of resignation to his work, and his worrying words from his therapy sessions.” She clicks the next slide to show some quotes. Your eyes widen. When you went to his therapist office about a month ago, they said they couldn't give away that information. “It's been long enough that they were allowed to disclose the information, so we think… he might've tried to commit suicide.”

You came to that possible conclusion a while ago, but you held onto hope that that wasn't the case. That he was living. 

“But… we don't think he succeeded. He told the therapist about a year ago that he was feeling suicidal again. It wasn't a rare occurrence for him. He told her everything, and one of the things he told her was that if he were ever to kill himself, it'd be by either slitting his throat or hanging himself.”

You swallow hard. You don't want to hear this. You don't want to hear about how much he was struggling. How much he must've thought about this. 

Your breathing hitches a bit, and you see Karkat glance at you in the corner of your eye, but you focus your attention on Rose as she speaks more and try to level out your breathing as you do so. You can do this. You're fine.

“Kanaya had a friend, Vriska, look into it further, and we found out that he bought some rope from the nearest hardware store..,”

You're picturing it. You can't stop, and your breathing is becoming heavier with worry. He had time to do all this. Granted, it only took probably a day to give his boss the finger and buy the rope, but… what about the planning before? The contemplation? You weren't there for him for any of it. You thought… you don't know what you thought. You're an asshole. You're an asshole, and you don't deserve a brother-

Karkat’s hand grasps yours, and your fingers intertwine with his instantly. Afterwards, he gently squeezes. “Listen.” He whispers, but when you look at him, he looks away, still angry but also still caring enough to hold your hand. You don't deserve him.

You turn back to Rose, and she smiles gently. You think it's supposed to reassure you or something, but you're still shaking, afraid for her next word.

“His body hasn't been found anywhere, and his car wasn't used, but… we did find his phone. Or, Vriska did. Sort of.” Rose continues, clearing her throat. “He gave it to the cashier before disappearing, and we have it… here.” 

Kanaya takes it out of her pocket, and your eyes widen at the sight. His phone. Who knows what's on there. It could be the key to finding him-

“It has a passcode.”

Mother of fuck.

“But-” she smiles. “Roxy’s flying down from New york to hack it. And give her support.”

“Wait- so, we have the phone.” You say. “Where do the supernaturals come in?”

Rose bites her lip. Karkat continues to look away.

“Oh, I know this one.” Kanaya chimes in. “We think he was abducted by one. We think that's the reason he hasn't been found yet, since with your… connections… we would know if he was “for sale” on the black market, or, well, deceased.” You flinch at the word, and she smiles in that same ‘reassuring’ manner that Rose did earlier. “Plus, Dirk said he wanted to go out by his own hand.” She points to the quotes. “So…,” she clears her throat. “With his sword training and martial arts experience, we don't think he'd let just anyone kidnap him, but we think a kidnapping is the only logical explanation as to where he is.”

You nod, taking in the words. “Okay.” You sigh. “Do we have any idea… what kind of supernatural could've taken him?”

Kanaya’s eyes widen and her mouth falls agape as if she didn't expect that question. Rose looks at the computer. You don't think she heard it, or if she did, she's pretending she didn't. You look at Karkat, whose face is a heavy crimson now, “Why aren't y’all answering?”

“Rose.” Karkat says. You're so confused. The two of them share a look, and then Rose's face floods with pity.

“No, we don't.” Rose speaks then. 

Okay. Like hell you're going to believe it after that display. “You're lying. You so do, and you're not telling me. Why?”

Rose sighs. “We're not certain. It's just an idea, and what's the use in telling you an idea?”

“You told them!” You gesture to Kanaya and Karkat. “No offense, but they hardly know Dirk.”

“Obviously, neither do you.” Rose snaps, and your mouth falls open. Her eyes open wide from angry slits. “None of us do. Not really.” She rushes to correct.

“Right.” You say, pulling your hand away from Karkats. “You're keeping info from me for reasons other than that, I'm not that fucking stupid. What is it, Rose?”

Rose stares straight at you, unflinching by your anger. “I can't tell you. It's not my place.” She says with that infuriatingly calm voice. Are you seriously the only one flipping out about this?

“What do you mean it's not your place. This is my brother!” You say, and you know you're probably taking your frustration out on her, but you're not really in the right mindset to care. “I raised him! I fucking- we knew each other! This wasn't supposed to happen. He- He said he was okay.” You grab onto your hair with one hand and tug on it anxiously. “Why would I believe him? Why would I-”

“He never gave you any reason not to. This isn't anyone's fault, Dave. Dirk was- is- very skilled at hiding his pain.” Rose says. “There's still hope. There's still options we can take to find him.”

She comes closer, rubbing your back. “Oh, by the way,” she whispers, “you're picking up Roxy and her ‘gal pal’ up from the airport.”

You look at her with still saddened eyes, forcing yourself to stop grabbing at your hair. “When?”

“Two hours, but you need to get changed first.” She looks you up and down, but doesn't comment more than that.

“Thanks.” You say, giving her a one arm hug goodbye as you use the other to wipe underneath your shades. 

She nods, and you turn to walk to Karkat, but she stops you, tugging you back by the elbow. “Talk to Karkat without being a douche.” Rose tells you. “The two of you need to talk about some things before this whole thing gets more and more complicated. I can't tell you anything until you talk.”

“What thing-”

“Sh.” She smirks, letting go of you. “Talk about it with him.” Rose nods to Karkat before gently pushing you in his direction.

\--

The uber guy you call looks shocked that you're climbing into his vehicle, and even more shocked that you're in a fucking snuggie and slippers. He begins talking about how much he loves you, his family, and other shit without even pressing the gas pedal down. “Can we just go?” You huff, and when Karkat smacks your hand for being rude, you sigh. “Sorry. We're just kind of in a hurry?”

The driver hurries onto the road then and continues to babble, but you're zoning out, looking at Karkat and wondering what it is you're supposed to talk about with him.

He's curled up into a tight ball with his head between his knees. You've always felt bad because he gets carsick pretty easy, but there's really no better way to get around Hollywood, otherwise you'd take it for him, even though the stubborn ass probably wouldn't.

You rub his back soothingly, and he turns his head slightly to look up at you with sad puppy dog eyes. “Did you take your pills yet today?” You ask, and he shakes his head.

“I left them at home. I'll take them when we get back.”

“Karkat-”

“There's a lot of things going on today, okay? I'll take them in a bit. Don't worry about me.”

You sigh. There's that stubbornness you hate and love. You unbuckle your seatbelt and scoot to the middle seat, buckling yourself into that one instead. Then, you wrap your arm around Karkat and kiss the top of his head when he moves to nuzzle into you. 

You're a little surprised, since you thought he was still mad at you, but he must've gotten over it fairly quickly, or maybe he's just acting like he's not mad now because he wants your comfort? You'll ask him about it when you get home, along with other things, too.

But what other things is the question? You really wish she would've given you at least a hint. How are you even going to bring it up without him getting confused?

You have the uber driver drop you and Karkat off at the gate to your neighborhood because Karkat’s starting to look a little red and feel a little hot, which happens when he's stuck in a car, plane, or fuck, even building, for too long. Especially when he doesn't take his pills. You don't know what they're called because Karkat always puts the pills into daily separators, but they help him a lot with staying in Hollywood. Poor country boy.

You pay the driver and give him a huge tip and autograph before taking Karkat’s hand and leading him through the gate with a wave of your other hand to the gatekeeper.

“Feeling okay? You can puke in the rich snob’s bushes if you need.”

“So, yours?” He says, as snarky as ever. “I'm fine now. Like I already fucking said, don't worry about me.”

You nod with a frown, noticing that his skin is slowly starting to turn back as pale as ever. No matter how much time he spends here in the sun and heat, he never tans. Not that you can talk any smack. You're literally albino.

Within minutes, you reach your house, glad that it's one closer to the gate. You think it's a pretty great house by greats standards. It has a dick shaped pool (that Karkat tries to say is a heart to visitors of his even though it's clearly a gigantic dong), a big ass yard for your and Karkat's future adopted children (even though Karkat doesn’t think that’d be a good idea especially with the dick pool), and a big ass mansion with like, a ton of rooms that you use for weird ass shit.

You walk up the yard and open the door with your passcode, ushering Karkat in first. “Go take your pills.” You remind him, and he grumbles a bit before going to take them, heading up to his room and bathroom.

The two of you usually sleep in your room together, but his room is where he goes when he needs to take his pills, get ready, or is mad at you.

You head up to your room and into your walk in closet, guessing you'll need something casual to wear to the airport. You grab the first casual things you see, and then with a devious smile, you grab a thong that's literally like one piece of string because you know Karkat is going to give you a better outfit to change into in front of him and seeing his reaction to this will be amazing.

You take off your shades and look into the mirror, running your thumbs along the bags under your eyes. Thank god for shades because these bad boys just won't go away. Though that's probably because you haven't slept right since… 

You sigh. Man, what a mood drop. You were feeling pretty human just a few minutes ago, too. Bummer.

You slip on your shades and clothes, and then you run your fingers through your hair quickly and messily. 

“Good enough.” You say to yourself in the mirror with a smirk before heading downstairs and stepping into the kitchen.

Karkat’s sitting on the counter with his legs far apart, which is basically an open invitation to slide between his legs and mack on that boy, right?

You try doing just that, but he pushes your lips away and wraps his legs around your back, pulling you closer. It was a trap all along. Damn. 

“You're not wearing that.” Karkat says. You fucking called it. “That doesn't even go together. Did you even look when picking out those clothes, or did you blindly reach into the trash chute and grab them?”

You pout. “You're in sweatpants,” you note, running your hand up his thigh and chuckling when he shudders.

“I'm not who the press focuses on, idiot.” He rolls his eyes, scooting off the counter and wrapping his arms around your neck as you hurry to hold him up by the ass. Fuck yes. Handfuls of Maryam booty always cheer you the fuck up, along with the little (you mean big) man downstairs. “Carry me upstairs.” He demands, and you chuckle a bit.

“As you wish, your highness.” You bump him up a bit in your arms and hear him squeak, laughing in return as he turns red in embarrassment. “I'm like your knight in shining armor. Protecting you and your cute little noises from all the weird ass people of Hollywood.” You say as you head up the stairs. “It's like- damn, I don't even get paid for all my hard service, but it's worth it because my prince has a fine ass, which I get to grope and fu-” He kisses you gently, shutting you up i- fucking- mmediately. 

You stop for a moment on the stairs to kiss him in return, but once you do, he nips your bottom lip hard and pulls a silent gasp out of you. “We're on a time limit.” He says, pulling back from the kiss and jumping down as you pout. Bye, bye ass. Hopefully, your hands will touch it again soon.

“Fine, Fine.” You head upstairs with him and sit down on the leather changing seat in the closet as he begins going through your clothes. Karkat always claims he doesn't give two fucks about fashion, but he goes through your clothes like a fucking maniac and always picks something that the paparazzi eats up.

He pulls out a red T-shirt, leather jacket, black skinny jeans, and combat boots. You raise an eyebrow. “How edgy are you planning on making me look?”

“As edgy as you are.” He says with a huff, going through your jewelry then as you begin stripping. “I think-” he blushes a bit. “You look good in leather. Hot, I mean.” 

“Oh reeeally?” You grin, filing that information away for another time. Gonna have to visit a sex store real soon. 

“Yes, really.” You notice he pulled his sweater up and over his hand. He does that whenever he cooks or goes through your jewelry. You asked him about it once, and he just shrugged and told you that he doesn't like how iron feels. You never asked again because that makes sense, you guess. Probably the coldness of it.

“Here.” He grabs one red ruby earring with his sleeve and hands it to you, along with its iron back. “Put that on t- what is that.”

“What is what.”

“Dave. Is that a thong?”

“No.”

“You're lying. Why are you wearing a thong.”

“Don't you like it?”

Karkat sputters at that, and you chuckle. “Take it off, dickweed!” He starts trying to grab for the thong, but there's not much really to grab except for a whole lot of Strider thigh.

“Whoa, karkles, if you wanted to grab on my thighs, all you had to do was ask.” You blow him a kiss and smirk as he huffs and growls angrily.

“Fuuuuck!” He yells after like, five minutes of trying to grab onto the side strings. “We don't have time for this, we can't make them wait! Get dressed!” He throws the clothes at your face, and you pout, quickly getting dressed as he huffs and speeds out of the room. 

Once you're done changing, you follow the sound of things falling and Karkat cursing to Karkat’s room, knocking on the door before entering as he once asked you do. 

“Come in!” He yells, and when you enter, his room is in complete disarray. He grabs a few books and shoves them on the shelves, the covers completely black in a totally suspicious way. 

“What are those?” You ask, walking towards the bookshelf as Karkat dives in front of it, blocking you off from grabbing them.

“Nothing. None of your business.” Karkat hisses, before realizing how mean that is and deflating. “It's just… research. On the supernatural. I'd let you see but…,” he trails off, but you can guess what he was going to say.

He's scared you'll make fun of him again. 

“I won't make fun of it.” You say, looking at him then as his eyes look into yours, increasingly sharper than just a few seconds prior. “If… if you think they're real, then who am I to judge, man? That'd be… better, hopefully? Right?” You ask. “For him to be taken by supernatural? Because then we can get him back.”

Karkat bites his lip, averting his gaze. “Dave..,”

“Fuck- did I say something bad? I know you were mad earlier, and I should've… I dunno. I don't want you mad at me-”

“I'm not mad at you!” Karkat yells. “I'm mad at myself.” 

“What? Why would you be-”

“We have to go. Now. I'll talk to you later, okay? I'll- later.” He sighs, grabbing your hand and dragging you out of his room. “Roxy has a friend with her, and she's like me and Kanaya, but… not. That'll make more sense later, I promise.” He shakes his head. “Anyway. We can't be late. She needs the pills I take or… or else- fuck. Let's hurry.”

You're in your car before you know it, and you've gone silent for the time being, too, at Karkat’s request.

\--

The airport is crowded, but luckily, Roxy knows how to spot you from a mile away.

“Davey!” Roxy runs into your arms and gives you a big hug. “Where's the pills?!” She asks, pulling back slightly with big, worried eyes. “Jane's not looking too good.”

“Jane-?”

“Jane!” Karkat runs to a pale looking girl who's falling behind in the crowd. “Here-” He and Roxy take her arms and drag her to the bathroom, and you're left flabbergasted outside as the three- even Karkat- go into the ladies restroom. You hear the door lock behind them.

You knock after a bit, and the door unlocks before the three step out. The hot- you mean, normal girl, no longer looks as sick as your beats, (very sick) which you guess is a relief, but you're still extremely confused.

“What's going on?” You ask, and Jane smiles at you and goes to talk before Karkat jumps in front of her.

“I'll explain at home.” Karkat grabs your hand. “Roxy is going to hack Dirk’s phone, while Vriska, Jane, and Kanaya are going to go search for Dirk. That's all I can tell you for now.” He says, and you're going to object, but then he turns around with those adorable puppy dog eyes, and all questions are off. For now.

\---

When you reach the house, Roxy gives you a big hug. “Okay, I've gotta go. You be good.” She kisses your cheek, and then she pulls back and turns to Karkat. “Tell him.” She says, before ruffling his hair and leaving outside with Jane.

You raise an eyebrow, looking out the window for them, but they're already gone. You squint. They must've ran, but even then-

“Dave.” Karkat says, and you turn to look at him. His eyes are sharp as they look into yours, and his face is as serious as you've ever seen it. “We need to talk.”

**Author's Note:**

> someone please come up with a cool name for this work and this series bc i sure cant  
> leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed! or if you didnt, tell me what's up! ◠‿◠
> 
> tumblr: englishbooty  
> Please follow and leave me stuff!


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